Alexander Stewart – Scared Of Myself. Lyrics Meaning: The Real Monster Lives Inside Your Head
Ever feel like your own brain is your worst enemy? You know, that little voice inside that loves to pop up at 3 AM to remind you of every awkward thing you’ve ever done? Or the one that critiques everything you do, making you second-guess your every move? It’s an exhausting, invisible battle that so many of us fight in silence. Well, there’s a song that perfectly captures this feeling, wrapping it in a heartbreakingly beautiful melody. This piece isn’t just a song; it’s a mirror reflecting the silent wars we wage against ourselves, and we’re about to dive deep into what makes it so powerfully relatable.
Let’s Unpack the Raw Honesty in Alexander Stewart’s “Scared Of Myself”
From the very first note, “Scared Of Myself” doesn’t hold back. Alexander Stewart takes us on a journey, not through a fictional story, but through a timeline of his own vulnerabilities. It’s a raw, unfiltered look at how seemingly small moments from our past can plant seeds of doubt that grow into massive, thorny bushes in our minds. The song isn’t about a ghost or a creature in the dark; it’s about the terrifying realization that the thing you fear most is your own reflection and the thoughts that come with it.
The Seeds of Self-Doubt
The song begins by pinpointing specific moments in his youth. These aren’t huge, dramatic events, but that’s what makes them so chillingly real. They are the kinds of comments and experiences that chip away at a person’s self-worth over time.
When I was thirteen
I’d started gaining weight
So I started counting calories sometimes
When I was sixteen
Someone told me I was stupid
So I bit my tongue, let others speak their mind
Do you see what’s happening here? At thirteen, a simple insecurity about his body led to a habit of self-monitoring and control. At sixteen, a single cruel comment made him silence his own voice. These aren’t just memories; they are the origin stories of the negative voices he hears now. He learned to shrink himself, to believe he was “too much” or “not smart enough.” It’s a textbook example of how external criticism becomes an internal monologue.
The Terrifying Realization
This is where the song’s central theme truly crystallizes. The fear isn’t of something external or imaginary. It’s not about spiders or the dark. The fear is deeply personal and inescapable because it comes from within. The pre-chorus and chorus are a gut-punch of honesty.
Some people are scared of heights
Or monsters coming out at night
But I’m afraid of something I can’t change
I’m scared of myself
If you ask me the truth
I’m not doing well
I’m at war with my mind
And nobody can help
That line, “I’m at war with my mind,” is everything. It’s not just sadness; it’s a conflict, a battle. And the feeling that “nobody can help” is so isolating. It’s the feeling that even if you explained it, no one could truly enter your mind and fight those battles for you. The raw admission, “I’m not doing well,” is something so many of us are afraid to say out loud, but hearing it in a song feels like a sigh of relief.
The Weight of Past Wounds
As the song progresses, the narrative deepens, touching on a more profound trauma that occurred later in his life. This verse shows how these wounds don’t just fade away; they compound, adding more weight to the baggage he’s already carrying.
When I was nineteen
Someone stole my innocence
Now in my twenties
And I still feel like a kid
Trying to work through all this shit but, god, it’s heavy
The instinct to blame oneself after a traumatic event is a tragically common response. It’s a defense mechanism, but one that fuels the inner critic. That feeling of being an adult on the outside but still feeling like a “kid” on the inside, struggling with “heavy” emotional baggage, is a sentiment that will resonate with anyone who feels like they’re still healing from their past.
The Unseen War Inside Our Minds
The most haunting part of the song is when Alexander gives a voice to his intrusive thoughts. He literally spells out what the enemy inside is saying to him. It’s not poetic; it’s blunt, cruel, and direct.
My thoughts go
(You’re not good enough
Life’s not fair
If you died
No-one would care)
Hearing those words laid out so plainly is jarring. These are the thoughts that thrive in darkness and silence, and by singing them, he’s dragging them into the light. It’s a powerful moment of vulnerability that shows the listener exactly what this “war with my mind” looks like. It’s a constant barrage of the absolute worst things you could think about yourself, and it feels like you’ve lost control.
The true message of “Scared Of Myself” isn’t one of despair, but one of profound validation. By laying his struggles bare, Alexander Stewart is telling everyone who feels this way: You are not alone. This song is a permission slip to admit that you’re not okay. It’s a reminder that the war in your mind is real and exhausting, but acknowledging the battle is the very first step toward finding peace. It’s okay to be scared, and it’s brave to talk about it.
This song is an absolute emotional rollercoaster, and its meaning can hit differently for everyone. I’m really curious to know what you think. Did a particular lyric stand out to you? Do you interpret the song’s message in another way? Let’s talk about it in the comments below!
