HAIM – Relationships. Lyrics Meaning: Why We Love to Hate Them
Ever found yourself in that weird gray area of a relationship? You know the one. You’re not quite broken up, but you’re definitely not okay. You’re just… stuck. It feels like you’re driving around in circles with no destination, endlessly replaying the same arguments in your head and wondering, “What are we even doing?” This limbo is a special kind of emotional torture, a mix of hope, frustration, and utter confusion that feels both unique and universally understood.
If that feeling had a soundtrack, it would be the thumping, exasperated, and brilliantly catchy beat of a HAIM song. The sister trio has an almost magical ability to turn romantic angst into an indie-pop anthem. And there’s no better example of this than their track that dives headfirst into this mess. So, let’s pull over, kill the engine, and figure out what in the world they’re trying to tell us about these crazy things we call relationships.
Unpacking the Glorious Frustration in HAIM’s ‘Relationships’
The song kicks off by painting a scene so vivid you can almost feel the car’s engine humming and see the streetlights blurring past. It’s a perfect metaphor for being in a state of romantic paralysis.
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Wasting time, driving through the Eastside
Doing my thing ’cause I can’t decide if we’re through
Well, are we?
And if we are, what we gonna do?
Right away, we’re not just listening; we’re in the car with them. That feeling of “I can’t decide if we’re through” is the core of the problem. It’s not about a clean break; it’s about the agonizing uncertainty. This isn’t a song about heartbreak; it’s a song about the emotional holding pattern that comes right before it, or right before a breakthrough. The music itself has this driving, relentless beat, mirroring that feeling of being stuck on a loop you can’t escape.
The Seventeen-Day Standoff
One of the most relatable moments in the song is how it perfectly captures the way small issues can explode into prolonged conflicts. We’ve all been there, right? Where a simple misunderstanding or a misplaced word turns into a week-long cold war.
Baby, how can I explain
When an innocent mistake
Turns into seventeen days? Fuckin’ relationships
Seventeen days! It’s such a specific, almost comically long time for a single mistake to linger, but that’s what makes it so real. It highlights the breakdown in communication where pride and stubbornness take over. Neither person wants to be the first to cave, so the silence and tension just stretch on. The song nails that feeling of looking at the situation from the outside and thinking, “How did we even get here?” It’s the point where you’re not just mad at your partner anymore; you’re mad at the entire concept of a relationship.
Confidence, Conflict, and Family Baggage
The track goes deeper than just surface-level arguments. It touches on the personal toll this kind of instability takes on your self-worth. When you’re constantly questioning where you stand, it starts to mess with your head.
Why do I have a guilty conscience?
I’ve always been averse to conflict
But you really fucked with my confidence
This is such a vulnerable admission. It’s that awful feeling when a relationship, which is supposed to build you up, starts to chip away at you instead. You second-guess yourself, you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault, and your confidence takes a nosedive. Then, the song poses a huge question, wondering if this cycle is something we’re doomed to repeat.
Or is it just the shit our parents did
In their relationship?
Oof. That hits hard. It’s the moment of clarity where you wonder if your relationship problems are truly your own, or if you’re just playing out a script handed down from previous generations. It adds a whole new layer of existential dread to the situation, making you feel even more trapped.
Finding Hope in the Chaos
Just when you think the song is a total condemnation of relationships, HAIM flips the script in the final moments. The outro isn’t a neat resolution, but it offers a messy, realistic glimmer of hope. It acknowledges the pain but also recognizes the potential for something real underneath it all.
But I would do it all again
If you put down your defenses
I think I’m in love, so why am I trying to escape from it?
This is the heart of the song. Despite all the frustration, the “seventeen-day” standoffs, and the self-doubt, there’s still a part of her that believes it’s worth fighting for. The problem isn’t the love; it’s the communication, the defenses, the “fuckin’ relationships” baggage. It’s a powerful realization that love and relationships are two different things, and sometimes you have to fight through the latter to hold on to the former.
At its core, “Relationships” is an anthem for anyone who’s ever felt lost in the messy middle of love. It validates the frustration and confusion, assuring us that we’re not alone in feeling like we want to scream at the universe. But it also leaves us with a quiet, crucial message: this chaos is often a part of growth. It’s in these difficult moments that we learn about ourselves, our patterns, and what we truly want. Sometimes, you have to get a little lost to figure out the right way forward.
But that’s just my take on this incredible track. The beauty of a song like this is how it can mean something different to everyone. What do you hear when you listen to HAIM’s “Relationships”? Does it remind you of a specific time in your life, or do you find a different message in the lyrics? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
