$uicideboy$ – Full Of Grace (I Refuse To Tend My Own Grave). Lyrics & Meaning

$uicideboy$ – Full Of Grace (I Refuse To Tend My Own Grave) : A Raw Declaration of Refusing to Give Up

Ever feel like you’re running on empty, even when your life looks full from the outside? You’re laughing with friends, getting things done, maybe even succeeding in ways you once dreamed of. But behind the scenes, when everything gets quiet, there’s this profound, hollow space. A feeling that you’re just a ghost piloting a machine, going through the motions with a battery that’s perpetually at one percent.

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That feeling? It’s the emotional core of so much powerful art, but few artists capture it with the raw, unfiltered honesty of the New Orleans duo, $uicideboy$. Their track, “Full Of Grace (I Refuse To Tend My Own Grave)”, isn’t just a song; it’s a gut-wrenching, beautifully bleak audio diary entry. Let’s pull back the curtain on this piece, because it’s far more than just a track about sadness—it’s a powerful story about staring into your own self-dug grave and deciding, against all odds, not to climb in.

The Haunting Emptiness in $uicideboy$’s “Full Of Grace”

The track opens with a shared sentiment, a chorus that sets the stage for the entire narrative. Both Yung Mutt (Ruby da Cherry) and Big Luh TRX (Scrim) deliver the same haunting lines, establishing a unified sense of despair that they’ll each explore from their unique perspectives.

Lately I been empty as my grave
Heart heavy as stone right above it with my name
Just too many things that don’t make sense

This isn’t just feeling sad. This is the imagery of being pre-deceased. The grave is already dug, the headstone is carved, and they’re just walking around feeling its weight. It’s a powerful way to describe a depression so deep that it feels like a foregone conclusion.

Ruby’s Paradox: Fame, Pain, and Purpose

Ruby’s verse immediately dives into an existential whirlpool. He wrestles with the paradox of success and the internal void it failed to fill. He talks about trying to numb himself, a past self that was so far gone his own partner saw him as “fucking nuts.” There’s a deep regret here, a wish for a do-over.

Can’t believe I wasted so many of my days
Wishin’ my life was something that could be remade

But it’s his reflection on his identity that truly hits hard. He calls himself “Pluto boy, the forgotten one,” a brilliant metaphor for feeling demoted and discarded, just like the former planet. He touches upon the impossible standard of perfection and the corrosive effect of waiting for a “someday” that never arrives. The most poignant part is his relationship with fame:

Gave up my whole life to $uicide, now I’m just biding my time till the grave
I’m grateful that people say me and Scrim saved the day, or at least that’s what they claim
I can break a hundred for ya, but nothing else has changed
Chained to my own name, the key was never fame

Imagine that. You achieve the dream, people tell you that your music saved their lives, but you’re still chained to the same demons. The money, the recognition—it was all a false key. His verse ends with the ultimate, soul-baring question: “What is my purpose? Was all this on purpose?” It’s a cry into the void from someone who has everything and, therefore, feels nothing.

Scrim’s Descent: A Mirror of Self-Deception

Scrim’s verse, delivered under his Big Luh TRX persona, mirrors Ruby’s emptiness but grounds it in a grittier, more physical reality. While Ruby is floating in a sea of existential dread, Scrim is sinking in a swamp of self-destructive behavior, desperately trying to maintain a crumbling facade.

The Façade of ‘Looking Good’

He starts with the same empty grave imagery but then immediately pivots to the stark contrast between his inner and outer worlds. This line is chillingly relatable for anyone who’s ever put on a brave face:

I been lookin’ my best, but inside, fuck, I never felt more worse

His verse is a catalogue of grim coping mechanisms. The casual mention of nodding off on Percs, stealing his grandmother’s pills, and looking for a new spot for a face tattoo because he “don’t give a fuck.” It’s a portrait of someone running from their pain so hard they’re leaving a trail of destruction. The most telling line might just be this one:

Yeah, sprayin’ that Gucci on me help to cover my rottenness

It’s the perfect metaphor for his entire verse. Using external markers of success and luxury to mask an inner decay he feels is consuming him. He’s not just feeling bad; he feels rotten, and the designer fragrance is a temporary, flimsy cover-up. He’s ducking death, paranoid, and just trying to survive another day in the G59 reality.

But here’s the beautiful, tough-as-nails message buried under all that pain. The song isn’t called “I’m Tending My Own Grave.” The subtitle, the thesis of the entire track, is a defiant scream: (I Refuse To Tend My Own Grave). By creating this song, by laying their darkest feelings bare for the world to see, they are actively refusing to let the grave win. Acknowledging the emptiness, the “rottenness,” and the purposelessness is not an act of surrender. It is the first, most crucial step in fighting back. The art itself is the act of refusal.

At the end of the day, “Full Of Grace” is a paradox. It’s a song filled with grace in its honesty, yet it describes a life feeling devoid of it. It’s a chronicle of two friends staring into the same abyss but describing the view in their own words. It’s a testament to the idea that even when you feel empty as your grave, the simple, stubborn act of refusing to lie down in it is a victory in itself. But that’s just my take on it. What do you hear when you listen to this song? Do certain lines hit you differently? Let’s discuss it.