$uicideboy$ – Oh, What A Wretched Man I Am!. Lyrics & Meaning

$uicideboy$ – Oh, What A Wretched Man I Am! : A Haunting Portrait of Success’s Dark Side

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Ever had one of those moments where you finally get something you’ve wanted for ages, only to feel… empty? Like you’ve chased a finish line, crossed it, and found nothing but more track on the other side. It’s a confusing, isolating feeling, and it’s something a lot of us grapple with, even if we don’t talk about it.

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That exact, raw nerve is what the New Orleans duo $uicideboy$ presses on with surgical precision in their track, “Oh, What A Wretched Man I Am!”. It’s a perfect storm of success and despair, a cry from the top of a mountain that sounds suspiciously like a cry from the bottom of a pit. This isn’t just a song; it’s a diary entry scrawled in the dark, and it gives us a painfully honest look at what happens when the dream becomes a nightmare. So, let’s pull back the curtain and really listen to what the boys are telling us.

Unpacking the Inner War: Ruby Da Cherry’s Confession in “Oh, What A Wretched Man I Am!”

Ruby kicks off the track, and right from the get-go, the vibe is heavy. He sets a scene that’s tragically relatable for anyone who’s fought with their own mind.

Wake up depressed so I stretch as I yawn

Pulling my shoulder, I reach for the stars

They promised me chains and hoes, and cars

The easiest way to mend a broken heart

Right there, he lays out the central conflict. He got the “prize”—the fame, the women, the wealth—all the things the world tells you will patch up your pain. But the tone isn’t triumphant; it’s weary. It’s the sound of someone realizing the cure they were sold was just snake oil. The broken heart is still very much broken, maybe even more so now that the supposed solution has failed.

The Demons Within and The Struggle for Sobriety

As his verse continues, Ruby dives deeper into his personal battles. He touches on the difficulty of commitment and the constant pull of temptation, framing it as a core part of his identity.

A sinner at best, I been one from the start

I’m tryna stay sober, keep playing that part

That line, “keep playing that part,” is so telling. It suggests his sobriety isn’t a comfortable new reality but a role he’s struggling to perform. He feels like an imposter in his own recovery. This internal conflict spirals into a feeling of being consumed by his own demons, a concept he illustrates with some seriously visceral imagery.

My inner child is nutrition for demons

They feast on my blood, got me feeling anemic

I’m fiending for love ’cause the lust is so fleeting

Wow. He’s not just sad; he’s being devoured from the inside out. His innocence and vulnerability (his “inner child”) are what his demons feed on, leaving him drained and weak (“anemic”). It’s a powerful metaphor for how depression and addiction can hollow a person out, leaving them desperate for genuine connection (“love”) because the temporary highs (“lust”) just don’t last.

The Gilded Cage: Scrim’s Agonizing Reality in “Oh, What A Wretched Man I Am!”

Then, the beat switches, and $crim takes over. If Ruby’s verse was a slow burn of despair, $crim’s is a full-blown panic attack. He paints a picture of a mind that simply will not shut off, trapped in a life he once dreamed of but now resents.

High in a big house, wishin’ I was back in the shed

Been hanging by a thread with a head full of meds otherwise it’d probably be lead

This is the paradox of their success in its rawest form. He has the “big house,” the symbol of making it, but all he wants is the simplicity and perhaps the perceived authenticity of his past (“the shed”). He openly admits he’s reliant on medication to keep suicidal thoughts at bay. The wealth hasn’t brought peace; it’s just changed the scenery of his suffering.

The Pain of Disconnection

What makes $crim’s verse so heartbreaking is how he details the breakdown of his relationships. He feels that the love he receives is conditional, tied to his money and status.

Know that I’m fucked, only way I feel love is to pay when they say they need bread

I can see it in they eyes, you ain’t gotta read minds, obvious that they want me dead

The paranoia and isolation are palpable. But it’s his interactions with his family that hit the hardest. These lines create a cinematic, gut-wrenching scene in your mind.

Momma tryin’ to check in and all I could text was, “Pray for me” (Pray for me)

…

Glock to my chin, I’m screaming, “Get the fuck away from me” (Away from me)

Dad begging me to draw down

I just wanna end it all now

In just a few lines, we see a man so overwhelmed he can’t even talk to his own mother, reducing his plea for help to two devastating words. We then see him at his absolute lowest, with his own father pleading with him not to end his life. It’s a stark, horrifying image of how fame and mental illness have pushed him to the very edge, alienating him from the people who care most.

Though this song is a journey through some of the darkest corners of the human mind, it’s not without a sliver of light. The sheer honesty of it is a message in itself. By putting their “wretched” feelings out there for the world to hear, Ruby and $crim are breaking a massive taboo. They are telling anyone who feels this way that they are not alone. It’s a powerful act of validation. The song serves as a stark reminder that what we see on the surface—the money, the fame, the followers—is never the full story. True well-being is an inside job.

At its core, “Oh, What A Wretched Man I Am!” is a brutal, unfiltered confession. It’s a cautionary tale about chasing external validation to fix internal wounds. The boys achieved the “American Dream” only to find themselves in a personal hell. But that’s just my take on it. What do you hear when you listen to this track? Are there certain lines that stick with you, or do you see a different story in their words? Let’s talk about it.